Why I Hate Chemistry
by Akatsuki Michihayato
Summary: When four new shinigami decide to take a chemistry class at the Soul Reaper Academy taught by none other than Mayuri Kurotsuchi the only question left unanswered is how to get out alive.
1. The nightmare begins

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Capitan Mayuri Kurotsuchi

I sat down as the tardy bell rang, though no one was late today. Chemistry, it was the most useless and boring subject taught at the Soul Reaper Academy only to be made duller by a new teacher. My friends, Ruketsueki and Peako, had joined me at the small four-man table at the back of the room. Both just as bored as I was.

"Hey Akasuki, have you heard who the new teacher's supposed to be?" Peako asked.

"I heard a rumor that it was one of the Captains." Ruketsueki said.

"That's what I heard too," I said "But Raven told me it was the Capitan of squad twelve."

"You mean Mayuri Kurotsuchi? But he's horrible, he sacrifices his men and uses people in his experiments." Ruketsueki yelled, though the volume of the other students almost drowned him out completely.

"Maybe he wont be so bad, we'll just have boring old class as usual." Peako said. I doubted this but didn't voice my concerns for at that moment Mayuri Kurotsuchi entered the room. He was followed by his "daughter" Nemu and, to my surprise, Raven who quickly walked to the back of the room and sat at our table. Everyone was completely silent, awaiting the punishment for talking to loud. He smiled widely at the look of terror on the faces of his students before approaching the board and pulling on the string of the overhead projector screen. Behind it were several lists along with his name.

"My, my, twenty four of you this should be interesting. I'm Capitan Mayuri Kurotsuchi and I will be teaching you chemistry. Before we get started there are some things you should know, you will refer to me as Capitan Kurotsuchi, I will attempt to learn your names if you make it through the first two weeks of class. We will meet for class in my lab unless I tell you otherwise, there will be no homework and no tests in this class." There was an outburst of joyful talk at this, though the class was quiet again in seconds.

"Oh you poor doomed children." He said, more to himself then to us. " These are the things in my class that might kill you." he said pointing to the first list then read them off.

"Violent explosions, poisonous fumes, and experiments that involve human test subjects." He pointed to the second list.

"These are things _you_ could do that would make _me_ kill you. Passing notes, talking, making up nicknames for me, sucking up to me to get an A, asking me if I'm a robot and asking me if you can see my real face. Any questions?" He asked looking around the room. Silence then the bell rang. The classroom was within fifteen seconds with the exception of Peako, Ruketsueki, Raven, and I. Capitan Kurotsuchi looked at us like we all had some horrible mental disorder before walking over to his desk and beginning to write in some sort of journal.

"So what exactly are you doing here Raven? I thought you made it into Kenpachi's squad." Peako said as we exited the room.

"Well I did but because I did really bad on my first mission he's making me take lessons on how to do different things from all the Captains. Mayu- I mean Capitan Kurotsuchi is teaching me methods of torture but he thought it would be good for me to take his chemistry class too." He said smiling.

"This is going to be interesting." Ruketsueki said and we all agreed.

Mayuri's Log: Day 1

Day 1 went as expected. My little test subj- I mean students were all so happy to see that I was their new teacher. Their faces were priceless. I look forward to turning all those little pacifists into sadists but we'll see. Nemu thinks it's cruel of me to use them, as material for experiments but it will be entertaining. I'm almost looking forward to tomorrow; I want to see their faces when I tell them I put bombes under their desks. 


	2. Misadventures with the Scientific Method

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 2: Misadventures with the Scientific Method

We returned to the classroom at the school following an announcement that morning. Ruketsueki had been disappointed that we couldn't see Captain Kurotsuchi's lab but Peako and I had been somewhat relived.

The three of us took our seats at the back of the room. Raven was already there talking with Nemu, who looked like she had been in some epic battle.

"Hey Nemu, what happened to you?" Peako asked. 

"Master Mayuri got angry at me. I didn't have enough time to set up his lab for all of you to come and the one here doesn't have enough equipment to do any experiments. I wrote a normal lesson for him to teach but he doesn't like it." She said looking away sadly.

"So he did that to you?" Ruketsueki asked, looking at the numerous bruises and scratches on her face. 

"Well…yes, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm more concerned for all of you. Just be careful, if he catches anyone messing around they're in trouble." She said looking around at the other students who were talking loudly. 

"He is your…"father" couldn't you try to calm him down?" Raven asked. 

"No, that would only make things worse." She said, still watching the other students. 

The late bell rang. Nemu pulled a chair to the back of the room close to our table before walking to the door to greet her master. The rest of the class seemed unaware.

"We're in for it today." I whispered the rest of the table nodded their heads in agreement. 

Everyone fell silent as Captain Kurotsuchi entered the room, pushing Nemu out of the way in the process, directing her to sit down and be quiet. She sat in her chair and focused on the floor, intent on not making eye contact with him. 

"Well children today we're going to learn about the Scientific Method." He said glaring at Nemu, who shrunk back into her chair. The class's groans were silenced by screaming as Captain Kurotsuchi threw a syringe, hitting one of the boys in the neck.

"Sit still and shut up! I happen to love the Scientific Method and you should too damn it!" He yelled, waving the lesson plan Nemu had written for him at us. He turned to the board and began writing the steps in red. The perfect note passing opportunity if the teacher hadn't been Captain Kurotsuchi. Within the time it took him to write down the eight steps he'd hit three other people with syringes. I looked down at the paper in front of me and wrote the words: _**"I don't like this."**_ before folding it up. I didn't want to risk being seen but I also wanted desperately to tell someone. Raven was on my left and Ruketsueki on my right, so I turned to him note in hand and punched him in the face. Relaxing my grip slightly on impact so the note would fall into his lap, hopefully unnoticed. But of course Captain Kurotsuchi turned, along with the rest of the class, to see what was happening.

"What the hell are you two doing?" He asked. 

"F-f-fighting." I managed to choke out. He smiled at this.

"Oh well, don't let me interrupt you." He said turning back to the board. I looked at Ruketsueki who was clutching the edge of the table. I slapped him lightly and he punched me back. Hopefully giving the illusion that we were fighting. 

"Alright well, let's start then." Captain Kurotsuchi said having finished writing the description of each step.

"You start by asking a question, I think it's self explanatory. Then you form a hypothesis, if you don't know what that is you shouldn't be in this class. So after that you design an experiment and make observations on…" 

James, one of the less intelligent people in the class lurked outside the classroom. He was late and being of that personality was about to do everything he could to distract from this. He ran into the room, jumped on one of the desks and screamed "Pasabrias", cutting him off. Captain Kurotsuchi drew his sword slowly.

"Ashisogi Jizo!" Before he knew what happened James was on the floor holding his shoulder, which was bleeding badly. He stared up, horrified, at Captain Kurotsuchi who was seething. James jumped to his feet and was out the door within seconds, leaving the Captain alone at the front of the room.

"If he comes back…I'm going to be so pissed." He said. Everyone was silent; this seemed to make him angrier.

"Nemu, this is all your fault, watch the damn class!" He yelled before storming out of the room. Nemu stood and walked to the front of the class.

"Um…well you probably don't care about the lesson so you can talk quietly." She said going over to her father's desk and gathering his things. I turned to Peako and Ruketsueki, who looked as terrified as I felt.

" I don't like it either…who knows what he'll do when we start experiments." Ruketsueki said.

"Well so much for normal class." Peako said. We all agreed.

Mayuri's log: Day 2

_I think I'm going to kill all my students before the week is over. They really think they can pass notes and interrupt my class without getting hurt. Two of them were fist fighting, I think the girl started I but they didn't do much after the first…she was giving him a note. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! She's clever I'll give her that much but it won't happen again I'll make sure of that. I had to punish Nemu twice today as well. She's getting my lab ready for tomorrow. We're going to do one of my favorite experiments on that boy who pissed me off. I wonder how that will turn out. _


	3. The First Experiment

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 3: The First Experiment 

The next day had come too quickly for us. We were summoned to Captain Kurotsuchi lab, which was one of the most frightening places I had ever been. It was freakishly clean and smelled like blood and preservatives. Nemu had brought us into our portion of the lab, which held six extremely durable lab tables that would double as our desks for the remainder of the class. Most of the students were already there, talking only slightly quieter than yesterday. Captain Kurotsuchi was already setting up for whatever horrible experiment he was going to make us do. The tables seated two on each side, Peako stood next to me with Raven across from her and Ruketsueki across from me. 

There was no bell but the class quieted itself as Captain Kurotsuchi turned around to face us, all preparations finished. 

"Alright then let's start shall we?" He said smiling at the blank faces of his students before focusing directly on me. His smile widened and he reached into one of the jars on his desk.

"Ah, yes. First things first." He said, pulling something out of the jar and throwing it at our table. It landed directly in front of me and sat for several seconds before exploding. There were gasps and screams from the other students but they were muffled by the sound of violent coughing coming from myself and the others at my table. When the smoke had cleared I looked down at the desk where the words _**'Clever, don't you dare do it again.'**_ were written in white. They faded away before anyone else had the chance to read them. I looked up to see the rest of the class staring back at me, a look of sheer terror on my face. Captain Kurotsuchi laughed quietly to himself.

"Do you understand?" He asked, putting one hand on his desk close to the jar.

"Y-y-y-yes, sir" I whispered. 

"Good, then let's continue. Today we will be performing the skull drilling experiment. It's quit simple actually, but knowing all of you I will demonstrate first. Nemu, go get the test subject." He said waving her away. I knew who it was even before I saw him. After a few minutes she returned with James at her side. She led him to a chair that was placed front and center and strapped him down. He was clearly experiencing some type of paralysis because he could barely move and by the time he was secure his chair he had lost the ability altogether. "Alright, first I will tell you a little something, all our specimens will be paralyzed but the beautiful thing about it is that they can still feel pain so we can get a good reaction out of them." He said picking up a giant drill. "Okay, here we go, you just put the drill to up to their head and flip this switch." The room was filled with a mechanical buzzing that was only slightly muffled by James' screaming. The class watched in silence as he continued, taking notes whenever we thought it necessary. We ran out of time and were unable to do the experiment ourselves but we were assured there would be other chances. "So the lesson today is don't piss me off if you want to live." Captain Kurotsuchi said as we picked up and left. This was defiantly not going to be an ordinary chemistry class.

Extra 1

A Father-Daughter Discussion

The lab was now completely empty and Nemu stood by her father knowing fully what was coming. He looked down at her all happiness gone from his face and said:

"Nemu we need to have a talk." She gulped, that sentence was like the kiss of death. He led her to a chair and pushed her down before turning away and starting to pace back and forth in front of her. She hated talking about things like this with him, she had fooled herself into thinking he wouldn't find out but he always did.

"Nemu, you're at a point in your life where…" He stopped abruptly thinking about his words. He wasn't the fatherly type at all and he found talking to his daughter about the things she'd been doing hard.

"Alright let's just get to the point. I know you've been sleeping around Nemu." Her eyes widened in shock only proving that she was guilty. 

"Yes, Master." She said quietly. He spun, walked forward and grabbed her by the front of her shirt. 

"Why would you do that Nemu!? I told you specifically not to!" He yelled shaking her slightly.

"I only slept with them because they asked me to!" Nemu said.

"You could have said no!" 

"But you told me to do whatever people ask me to." 

"That rule only applies when you're dealing with me!" She was quiet, considering what he said.

"So…you want me to sleep with you then?" She said looking up at him, confusion in her eyes. 

"NO!" He yelled letting go of her and moving away. "I would never want that from you! How could you even think something like that?" She looked down at her hands, if she had learned on thing it was not to cry in front of her father. She wasn't upset over what he'd said but by the fact that he had been so kind to create her and all she could do was disappoint him. He sighed then and walked back over. 

"All I want you to do is tell me their names." He said monotonely.

"Um it was Toshiro, Renji, Kira, and Hisagi." She whispered. 

"Fine watch the lab, I'll be back after I've had a _talk_ with all of them." He said then walked away leaving her alone. 

"They're probably all in hiding by now." She whispered.


	4. The Mission

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 4: The Mission 

The next day was a holiday but I still found myself at the academy with Peako, Ruketsueki, and Raven. 

"So why exactly are we here Raven." I asked 

"Well there's this thing that's been bugging me for a while and I thought you might want to find out too." Raven said, smiling devilishly.

"And that would be?" Peako asked.

"Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi's true face." He said, leaning in and whispering. The three of us looked at him like he was out of his mind.

"That's a stupid idea, besides he would kill us." Ruketsueki said.

"Oh but you know you want to see. I mean why does he wear that mask anyway? What if he has huge lips or a weird skin condition." Raven said. I sighed.

"You're not gonna let this go are you?" I asked.

"Never." He said smiling again. So we decided to devote out day to seeing the true face of Captain Kurotsuchi, making plans to shadow him in secret. 

Raven had decided to go out first on some kind of solo mission to see what he could find out. He words were really starting to eat at us now. Why did Captain Kurotsuchi wear a mask? 

"Ok well I followed him up until he went into the Shinigami Women's meeting." He said when he'd returned.

"Why exactly was he at the Shinigami Women's meeting? He is a man isn't he?" Peako asked.

"Of course he's a man! Apparently Nemu is grounded or something." Raven said crossing his arms. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Ok well we got no where with you shadowing so let's all just go. I want to know what Nemu did." I said. The others agreed so we went to find him. 

It didn't take long. He was standing outside the squad ten barracks talking with vice-Captain Matsumoto who seemed rather amused by the conversation. 

"I haven't seen him since three days ago Mayuri. I can't believe that he would do such a thing anyway and if he did ask Nemu to sleep with him she's the one who agreed after all. You can't be too mad. It's totally natural for people her age." She said trying to act casually though it looked like Captain Kurotsuchi was about to rip her limbs off.

"Well if you see him send him strait to me." He said before turning and stomping off in the direction of the twelfth division's barracks. We followed him silently until he went into the barracks. 

"What are you doing?" Came Nemu's soft voice from behind us.

"Um…um…nothing." We lied in unison. She stared at us obviously confused.

"S-so, Nemu we heard you're in trouble." Ruketsueki said trying to pass our meeting off as a friendly gathering that just happened to occur outside of squad twelve's barracks and not a group of freakish, obsessive stalkers trying to catch her father without his mask.

"Yes, I am in trouble. Master was so angry at me." She said.

"That's too bad." I said. 

"Yes, but it'll get better. I have to go though, I'm supposed to be preparing a bath for him." She said before walking off to complete her task.

"This is perfect! If he takes a bath then he'll have to take his mask off!" Raven said.

"Ok then lets go in and get this over with." I said, but Ruketsueki grabbed my arm before I could move. 

"You and Peako can't come, Akatsuki. He's a guy and he's going to be naked." He said.

"But that's not fair we want to see his face too." I whined.

"Yeah but do you want to see the rest of him?" Raven asked. 

"Fine just go, but if you're not back soon we're coming to look for you." Peako said and the two of us sat on the ground to wait.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity for Ruketsueki and Raven to come back.

"OK if they don't come out in five minutes we have to go find them." I said as a huge explosion came from within the barracks, as we looked around the stone arch entrance we saw Ruketsueki and Raven running out half on fire, hair blown backward, cloths tattered, with a couple cuts on their arms and faces.

"Run damn it he's coming! Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo and all!" Ruketsueki screamed and off we darted toward our houses in outer Sereite. 

Extra 2

Hide and Seek

In the silence of the squad eleven storage shed Toshiro Hitsugaya, Renji, and Kira hide.

Scanning the area outside the shed carefully Toshiro turned to his comrades.

"OK, I think he's gone." He said with a sigh. Kira looked around nervously.

"He just came out of the trees, man! He came out of the trees." He said.

"Yeah, I never saw it coming. You saved my ass back there Toshiro." Renji said quietly.

"You guys saved mine too. It's just to bad we couldn't help Hisagi." Toshiro said looking down sadly. 

"There was nothing we could do." Kira said. Suddenly the shed door swung open and in the moonlight they saw in horror the figure of the man that was trying to kill them.

"Renji what are you doing?" Came the voice of Byakuya Kuchiki as he stepped forward enough for his face to show. He was wearing a hat that pointed to his right that had given the illusion. The three sighed.

"I'm hiding Captain. Mayuri Kurotsuchi is trying to kill us. How did you know I was here anyway?" Renji asked.

"Oh, I had a tracking device made." Byakuya said calmly. "Besides you don't have to hide, you and Kira are vice-captains he can't really kill you. On the other hand he has every right to kill Toshiro." 

"That I do." Came the voice of Captain Kurotsuchi from directly behind Toshio.

He turned slowly only to see the face of doom staring back at him.

"Oh hello Mayuri. How are you?" Toshiro said, gulping loudly and preparing to run away. Mayuri smiled sadistically before drawing his sword.

"Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo!" Before he'd even finished speaking Toshiro was running full speed toward the squad ten barracks even though there was nothing that could protect him from what was coming. Outside of the barracks was a group of thick bushes into which he dived hoping to trick the twelfth Captain long enough to find another place to hide. He hadn't been there for more than five seconds when he realized there was someone else in the bush with him. He turned terrified to see Nemu sitting on the ground staring at him.

"Nemu! What the hell are you doing here?" Toshiro asked.

"Watching the carnage unfold." She replied monotonely. 

"But if he finds you out here with me he'll kill us both!" He said.

"Don't worry, Master is a bit insane at the moment but he'll get over it." She said smiling slightly…

The Next Day

"I cannot believe you Nemu! After I told you twice not to you went and slept with him again!" Mayuri yelled.

"But…it's not like last time, he didn't ask me it just kind of happened." Nemu said.

"Things like that don't 'just kind of happen' Nemu." He said 

"I'm sorry Master, please forgive me." 

"I'm sure you are sorry. Now stay here Toshiro and I are playing a little game of hide and kill and I'm it." He said before leaving her in her room. She sighed and turned to stare out the window.

_Authors Note:_

_Consider yourself lucky; I was going to make Mayuri say, "Sorry has two parts."_


	5. Teachers just can’t be trusted

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

AN: Hi everybody! Thank you sooooo much for the reviews! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but now that school's out I can update more. Kensei Rueketsueki is writing a partner story to this one so if you'd read it that would be really awesome, it's called BANKAIClass? So thanks again!

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 5: Teachers just can't be trusted

Once again we were going to be subjected to the torture of a holiday, but this time Captain Kurotsuchi had decided to teach us anyway. Most likely out of the fact that he had nothing better to do he told us to cancel all our plans and come to his lab for an experiment that would take all day.

"What kind of experiment could possibly take all day?" Peako asked after we had clamed our table.

"I don't know but it means that what ever he's doing we'll actually have to participate." Raven said looking disgusted.

"I'm not sure something about this is…suspicious. He hates us why would he want to have an all day class?" Ruketsueki said. At that moment Nemu walked by escorting some of the other students to their sets. Captain Kurotsuchi had forced her to show everyone inside to eliminate the risk of stupider students messing up his lab.

"Hey Nemu, do you know what we're doing today?" I asked. She stopped and observed the suspicious looks on our faces.

"I can't tell you. Master Mayuri wants it to be a surprise." She said before walking back out.

"I don't know but Captain Kurotsuchi doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be into surprises." Peako said looking around at the others in the lab that looked as confused as we did.

"He likes surprise attacking me during training." Raven added.

"Wow, I never would have suspected him to surprise attack you while you were learning how to fight." Peako said sarcastically.

"Kenpachi likes that sort of thing too. He got me in the shower this morning." He said crossing his arms and glaring at Peako.

"That's nice Raven but you really didn't need to share." Peako said. It was then that we noticed Captain Kurotsuchi walking around the class talking to his students.

"You don't think he…" Ruketsueki whispered putting his hand to his face and touching one of the bandages that covered a large scratch.

"That means he suspects one of us broke into the squad twelve barracks and was spying on him." I whispered.

"This is ok. We're going to be fine. Just remember, the first rule of spying is don't get caught but the second rule is if you do get caught deny everything." Raven murmured as Captain Kurotsuchi approached our table. We all fell silent and put on serious faces.

"Good morning Captain. How are you today?" Raven asked.

"Not so well actually. Yesterday two people snuck into the twelfth division barracks and were spying on me. I tried to pursue them but unfortunately Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo stirred up an immense dust cloud and destroyed several structures when it was released so I was unable to locate them. Nemu told me that she had seen a group of students outside earlier but being incompetent she could not remember who they were. That being said I've decided to search here first. There are only two things I know for sure, they were male and there was enough ruble and shrapnel flying around that they were at least injured. So if you don't mind me asking where did you two get all those cuts?" He asked smiling devilishly.

"Oh these?" Ruketsueki said gesturing to his face. He looked surprisingly calm.

"Well yesterday Raven, Peako, Akatsuki, and I got together. Raven and I were…practicing fighting when we fell down a hill and rolled through some bushes." He said. Captain Kurotsuchi looked at him skeptically for a moment before walking away to start class.

"That was the most random and idiotic excuse I have ever heard." Raven said. Ruketsueki rolled his eyes.

Class was about to start and Nemu had finally gathered all the students. She was going up to the front of the room to tell her father but stopped at our table on the way. The entire left side of her face was bruised.

"I just want you to know I saved your lives yesterday. Master was really angry and I lied to him and said I didn't know who was standing outside the barracks. And now I'm going to get in even more trouble if he finds out I lied to him and trust me he will." She said monotonely before walking away. We sat in silence.

"Maybe we should just tell him. I mean it wouldn't be so bad because we told the truth and Nemu wouldn't get in trouble and…" Raven said but was cut off by Peako.

"Yeah, Nemu wouldn't get in trouble but we'd be dead." She said. At that moment Captain Kurotsuchi decided it was time to start class.

"Alright. You're probably wondering why I called you all here. In light of yesterdays disturbance I decided it would be better if you were here with me instead of out causing trouble. So today we will be making bombs." He said. "Nemu will give you the materials and detailed instructions. I would follow them exactly if I were you." He finished speaking then sat at his desk and began to write. As he'd said Nemu came around and gave us our materials. We all thanked her quietly as she left for saving our lives then set to work on our bombs. They were tiny and extremely simple, but durable too. The whole class finished in record time. Captain Kurotsuchi stood up to address us.

"My, my, I would have expected this to take all day. I'm surprised." He said smiling again. Some of the students began to get up to leave but were stopped within seconds.

"Did I say we were finished? There is still much more work to be done. Nemu go ahead, turn it on." As he finished some of the panels on the ceiling fell open allowing a purple mist to escape into the room. Both Captain Kurotsuchi and Nemu stepped out before it had reached them leaving us. I looked at the others at my table who were all covering there noses and mouths in vain. Whatever he was drugging is with was taking effect rapidly. Unable to hold myself up any longer I put my head on the table and was engulfed in blackness.

Some time later…

I was lying on a hard metal table, my head pounding; someone was shaking me gently and calling for me to wake up. I opened my eyes to see Ruketsueki standing over me saying,

"Aktasuki wake up we have to get the others and go. You have to help me find them." He was whispering but it echoed loudly around the room. I sat up slowly. We were in a dimly lit room filled with metal tables each holding one student.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know, I just woke up and found you. We have to get the others and leave. We can go to Retsu Unohana; she specializes in medicine and can help us. I don't know were the others are, we have to find them." He whispered before running off to find Peako and Raven. I followed him slowly, the world spinning around me but that sensation left me as I found Peako and proceeded to wake her. Ruketsueki came back with Raven and we all crept past our classmates to the door. It had no handles but was unlocked by a keypad placed to its right.

"What do we do? It might set off some sort of alarm." Raven said looking at the door as though he was trying to will it to open. To our surprise and dismay it did open to revel Captain Kurotsuchi who looked as surprised to see us as we were to see him. But his surprise was quickly masked by a smile.

"Well this is quit interesting. I thought it would be at least three more hours before anyone was awake. You may go." He said, pushing past us into the room.

"W-w-w-what did you do to us?" Raven asked. Captain Kurotsuchi laughed and turned to face us again.

"Isn't it obvious? I implanted the bombs you made inside you. You all were smart to follow the instructions; we had seven of them detonate while we were stitching the specimen up. It's a pity really, none of them survived." He said before walking away. We looked at each other in horror then ran as fast as possible to the main response station where we could hopefully receive help.

"Hey guys. I'm just going to go back to squad eleven. Kenpachi can get it out of me or force Mayuri to." Raven said as we passed the barracks. We let him go though we all knew having Kenpachi do it was like the kiss of death.

We reached the main response station in record time and ran strait into Urohana who was walking out the door. Of course she couldn't actually understand what we needed because we were all screaming at her at the same time but some how we made it inside and before we had stopped babbling she had worked her magic.

"You're lucky we didn't set these off. They were positioned under your bottom rib on your right side." She said, smiling. "If Mayuri finds out tell him I heard that he was putting bombs in his students and forced you to have them removed." She left the three of us alone then.

"I hope Raven will be ok." I said.

"I hope Captain Kurotsuchi doesn't find out about this." Peako said. We all sighed.

"I hate chemistry." Ruketsueki mumbled.

Extra 3

Father-Daughter Therapy

"So you said she's been sleeping around. How does that make you feel?" Asked Dr. Koto as she scribbled some notes. Mayuri sat across from his daughter who had her hands folded on her lap, upset to the point of sobbing.

"I already told you, it makes me angry." The therapist nodded and turned to Nemu.

"And how does that make you feel?" She looked up for the first time since they had arrived.

"It doesn't, he's always angry at me." She whispered.

"I'm not always angry at you!" Mayuri yelled barely controlling the impulse to smack her. Koto scribbled some notes.

"Ok, Nemu I want to ask you a few questions before we continue. How was your childhood?" She asked.

"I didn't have one." Nemu replied dryly.

"You didn't have one! Was he that horrible to you?" Koto half yelled.

"No, I was never a child." Nemu said then looked across at her father who was seething.

"Never a child. How old are you?"

"Well I was created five years ago so…" she trailed off not knowing what to say.

"Five years ago. So you're five years old?"

"Well obviously. You could also do without repeating what she said to you." Mayuri answered for his daughter. This was getting old fast.

"I'm talking with Nemu not you Mayuri, you'll have your turn. So may I ask why you slept with all those men?" Koto said turning back to Nemu.

"They asked me to." She said.

"Why did you tell them yes?"

"Master told me to do whatever people asked."

"He is not your master Nemu." Koto turned to Mayuri. "How could you tell her such a thing!"

Seconds later Mayuri walked out of the office dragging Nemu by the arm.

"We are never doing anything like that again." He said to his daughter who was still in shock.

"What do we tell everyone?" she asked her father quietly.

"If anyone asks she got tired of us and killed herself. Got it?" She nodded slightly and they continued on to the Bureau of Technology.


	6. So you want do dispose of a dead body…

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 6: So you want do dispose of a dead body…

Our holiday was finally over and classes resumed. Unfortunately that also meant we had to go to chemistry and none of us were ready to face Captain Kurotsuchi after what he'd done to us.

Raven wasn't at our table when we arrived but someone was.

"Hey Ruketsueki, did you hear from Raven at all?" I asked.

"No, I hope he's ok though." He replied.

"Hey sometimes the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others." Peako said shrugging slightly.

"I'm sure he's fine. Kenpachi just crippled him in the process." Ruketsueki mumbled as we approached our table. The person their stood up to meet us.

"Hi, I'm Jesse. I was wondering if I could sit with you for a while. My lab partners were all killed yesterday so I have no one to sit with." Said Jesse. The three of us exchanged looks before agreeing.

"Your name is Jesse? Your not really from here are you and isn't Jesse a girl's name?" Ruketsueki asked. He would regret it, within seconds he was sitting on the floor after being punched in the face by Jesse.

"It's a boys name too." He said before taking his set. At that moment Captain Kurotsuchi walked in with Nemu behind him silencing everyone. Ruketsueki quickly stood up and took his set.

"My, my, you all look so nervous. I would like to thank you for yesterday; it would have taken me hours to prepare all those bombs. I had been planning on doing it myself so there wouldn't be any fatalities but I must say you made it mush more interesting." The class sat in silent fear as he continued.

"In light of those fatalities I have decided to teach you how to dispose of a dead body." He said, gesturing to a glass tank full of liquid.

"The specimen isn't exactly intact but it will do. The tank is full of Sulfuric acid, which is perfect for such a job. It will leave absolutely no evidence of what happened." He walked over to the tank. There were a set of stairs and a small platform by the mouth of the tank for him t stand on. There was also a metal table that was draped with a red streaked sheet. He climbed the stairs and went strait to work on his experiment ripping the sheet off the disfigured body of one of our classmates and pushing it into the acid. It bubbled and sank to the bottom and within fifteen minutes was completely gone.

"It's also extremely painful if you get it on you, does anyone know what will happen?" One of the girls raised her hand slowly.

"Alright come up here and show us." He said. She got up and climbed the stairs, approaching the edge of the tank to stand next to him. Before any of us knew what had happened Captain Kurotsuchi had pushed her into the tank. She flailed around in the aced screaming as it destroyed her body.

When the lab was silent again he came back to the center of the room.

"I think learning through observation is the only way to truly grasp a concept." He said smiling evilly.

The class ended and Ruketsueki, Peako, and I set off to see if Raven had lived and to tell him what he had missed out on.


	7. Walk like an Egyptian

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 7: Walk like an Egyptian

There had been no class the day after Operation 69 was put into action. Ruketsueki was now positive that I had killed Captain Kurotsuchi but now we were back in his lab. The first students there. The Captain sat at his desk working on something and occasionally looking up to glare at Raven. The rest of us played dumb and questioned Raven about the event rather loudly. We doubted that Captain Kurotsuchi knew who had jumped him and broken into the Bureau of Technology but we had to play it safe.

It was getting close to time for class to start and yet none of the other students had arrived. They must have been smart enough to know that Captain Kurotsuchi would be pissed so the less amount of time spent around him the better. Nemu walked into the room carrying a gargantuan pile of paperwork. She looked angry as well and didn't even look at us as she passed by on her way toward the front of the room. She walked around her father's desk and stood at his side waiting for him to examine her work. He picked up the top paper glanced at it and scowled.

"This is hardly acceptable. Do it all again." He said putting the paper back. Nemu's face contorted with rage as she slammed the pile of papers on the floor and stomped out of the room with Captain Kurotsuchi yelling after her to come back and clean up her mess. Raven and Ruketsueki looked at each other completely confused while Peako and I exchanged glances of understanding.

"Raven! Get up here and make yourself useful!" Captain Kurotsuchi screamed at Raven who ran up and gathered the papers. He handed them to the captain before receiving a death glare that made all of us shiver.

The rest of the students came flocking in with milliseconds to spare. Among them was Jesse who pulled a chair up to our table.

"Who the hell is this?" Raven asked.

"This is Jesse. All his lab partners were killed in the bomb experiment. Jesse this is Raven." I said.

"Jesse? Isn't that-" before he could finish Jesse gave him a blood chilling glare.

"SIT DOWN, SHUT UP CLASS IS STARTING!" came Captain Kurotsuchi's screams over the roar of talk.

"Today we will be studying the art of mummification. So if you would please pick up your specimen now." He said pointing over to where four unconscious people lay on metal tables. Jesse was called over to one of the other tables that only had two occupants while Raven and I fought over who would go get our specimen. I won in the end and retrieved it leaving Raven to pout by himself.

"Are we ready to move on? The sedative I gave them will wear off shortly so if they start screaming just sew their mouth shut. Unlike in traditional mummification they will be alive so we will be removing the brain last and make sure you don't take out the heart." He looked toward the back of the room as Nemu walked in and went to stand by the window near one of the occupied lab stations. She refused to look at her father. "So you've decided to grace us with your presence have you? Well you can leave, I don't need you." He said waving his hand dismissively in her direction. She leaned forward and grabbed the foot of the test subject on the table in front of her and threw him out the window. Glass flew everywhere and there was a sickening thud as the body hit the ground outside. All eyes were on her, the one was not enough to satisfy her anger though and she grabbed the nearest student and flung her out the window as well. Within seconds Captain Kurotsuchi stood restraining her as she kicked and screamed.

"Nemu! NEMU! YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!" He screamed over her before dragging her from the room.

"What just happened?" Ruketsueki asked staring after the captain.

"They just had a lovely family moment." Peako said her voice dripping with sarcasm.

He returned shortly and talked us through the experiment. By the first incision our test subject was screaming bloody murder and the fight began.

"I should sew his mouth shut because I'm the best sewer." Ruketsueki said.

"Well, my family is noble and I have been taught how to make things elegant so mine would look the best." Peako said, but we knew it was all a lie.

"That's nice but I know the most effective stitch." I added.

"I can make it the most painful." Raven said.

"That doesn't matter." Peako shot at Raven.

"Stop it! Can we just do this!" I yelled. With several hostile looks exchanged the needle was handed to Ruketsueki who set to work and was finished in record time. We removed all of the organs other than the heart, which still beat, and placed them in jars.

"Ok all we have to do is pull the brain out. Who wants to stick this hook up his nose?"

Peako and Raven had a stair down before deciding that Peako should stick the hook in then we should all take turns twisting it. We did so taking our sweet time before his heart stopped completely. Then we added the necessary salts and ointments before wrapping him in bandages. We were the only group who succeeded in keeping our test subject alive through the brain removing process.

Class ended, but we all left with a morbid appreciation of the Egyptian culture

Extra 4

A Father-Daughter Discussion

Part 2

When all his students were gone Mayuri Kurotsuchi set off to find out what was wrong with his daughter. He couldn't handle this like he normally would have so he stopped by the kitchens of the scientist's dorms to pick up something sweet for her. This ended up being chocolate ice cream, which he was unsure about. He had locked her in his office earlier and as he arrived he made a mental note to be as calm as possible. As he entered the room he saw her sitting on the floor in one of the corners hugging her knees. She looked up at him as he approached.

"Here I brought you something." he said, holding the bowl out to her.

"I hate chocolate! I only like vanilla! No one understands me! I hate you!" She screamed.

He set the bowl on his desk trying to control his temper.

"Calm down. I don't know what your problem is but you need to stop now." He said, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

"Your not the boss of me! Get out of my life!" She screamed again. He was staring to lose his patience.

"I made you Nemu! I can destroy you!" He yelled.

"No you can't! I'm made of green goo! I'll just regenerate!" As she said this he couldn't help but wonder why he'd made her body so durable. He looked down at her, utter disgust on his face.

"What is wrong with you?!" He yelled reaching out and smacking her in the face. At that moment she burst into tears burying her face in her hands. He stood up, unable to deal with her anymore and left.


	8. Francium plus Water ?

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 8: Francium + Water ??

We thought we had gotten away with breaking into Captain Kurotsuchi's lab. But of course things didn't go that way. Several days after we were summoned to the Bureau of Technology. Peako and I had met on the way; Ruketsueki and Raven were waiting outside for us to arrive.

"Do you think he knows?" Raven asked, looking around nervously, which was reasonable considering he was the only one of us ever left alone with the captain.

"No, if he knew I don't think we'd still be alive but I think he's suspicious." I said.

"Suspicious? Doesn't it seem like he's singling us out? I mean what kind of crazy clown scientist would invite his students to his lab for no reason if he didn't at least know that one of us was responsible." Peako said then looked at me, the other two mimicked this.

"Oh my god, Akasuki he knows you were there!" Ruketsueki screamed grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.

"He's really going to know it was us if you don't stop screaming." I hissed. We stood in silence for several moments before a rather pissed Nemu showed up to take us in.

"So, Nemu does your father know who broke in?" Ruketsueki asked as we followed her.

"No, he wouldn't know something important like that if it came up and stabbed him in the face, and it's Lieutenant Kurotsuchi to you." As she said this she turned and kicked Ruketsueki sending him backwards through a wall.

"I am so sick of being hit through walls and beaten to the point of bleeding by people I know!" He screamed. Nemu ignored him and continued walking; the rest of us quickly pulled him up and ran after her.

Captain Kurotsuchi was sitting at his desk when we walked in. He immediately got up and led us into a room with shelves lining the walls each holding hundreds of bottles. He must have noticed the confused looks we were giving him because he finally turned to us saying:

"This is the chemical storage. I have called you here to help me organize and re-label them." We all looked at each other very suspicious now.

"Captain, if you don't mind me asking couldn't some of your squad members done this?" Raven asked.

"No you twit. You still have some things to learn like not questioning the direct orders of a captain." He hissed glaring at Raven.

"Now get to work. I want them organized alphabetically." He said walking over to the corner closest to the door and standing there. We stood and stared for several seconds contemplating the thought of him watching us before pulling bottles off the shelves and placing them in piles on the floor.

It didn't take long to finish, most of them were already in order, so he led us to another room that was set up the exact same way. The only difference was a large tank of water sitting in the corner.

"These are all the different elements. I want them all re-labeled." He said walking over to a shelf and pulling one of the bottles off. He looked at it curiously for a moment before putting it back and reading the labels of the bottles around it on ether side. A look of unimaginable fury came over him.

"NEMU! NEMU GET IN HERE NOW!" He yelled, and moments latter Nemu came into the room.

"Yes Master." She said, looking angry.

"Nemu I told you to organize these elements by their atomic number and they're organized by their atomic mass, you idiot can't you do anything right!" he yelled.

"I always do exactly what you tell me to and then you yell at me! I hate you!" She screamed. Unfortunately the next thing we knew we were up to our ankles in water after she had smashed the tank and stormed out. The captain looked at the floor before sighing.

"Well I guess I'll have to have someone clean this up. You four are dismissed." He said waving us away.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I am rather interested in zanpakuto you see so if you wouldn't mind I would like to observe your Shikai." He said smiling from ear to nonexistent ear. We all exchanged glances then I noticed Raven pull a bottle off the shelf and drop it in the water before taking off.

"What the hell…" at that moment the water around the jar started to smoke.

"OH MY GOD THAT'S FRANCIUM! RUN!" Ruketsueki yelled before taking off. We all followed. Moments later half the lab exploded and knowing we would be killed on sight Peako, Ruketsueki and I ran like hell.


	9. Real Chemistry

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 9: Real Chemistry

After our experience with Francium what was left of the Bureau of Technology was off limits to students until all repairs were completed so we ended up back at the Soul Reaper Academy. Captain Kurotsuchi was already there, he wasn't wearing his mask but his face was hidden by bandages. We took our sets at the back of the room, Raven carefully watching the captain the whole time.

"The perfect opportunity to see his face and he still has something over it." Peako said.

"Yeah, though we never did find out what some people saw the day they snuck into the barracks." I whispered glaring at Ruketsueki and Raven.

"We couldn't see anything the whole room was filled with steam." Ruketsueki muttered

"Then how could he see you?" Peako asked.

"Are you joking I had a certain loud mouth with me who screamed 'I can't see anything!' It really got his attention." Raven said glaring at Ruketsueki.

"Oh just shut up." Ruketsueki hissed.

Jesse joined us as well after some time.

"Why exactly are we here?" he asked, sitting at the table in front of ours.

"Raven blew up Captain Kurotsuchi with Francium." Peako said. Jesse turned to Raven.

"You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?" He said before looking away as Captain Kurotsuchi moved to the front of the room.

"Alright. Until further notice we well be meeting for class here. There isn't much equipment and because my stupid daughter refused we don't have a lesson for today. But I received this Chemistry Lab packet from the real world so we will have things to do. So lets just do this. The first experiment is…conductivity. How excruciatingly dull." He said looking down at the packet. He sighed out of frustration and walked into the lab connected to the classroom. We stayed in out sets waiting for him return.

"See I told you we'd be stuck learning real chemistry. This sucks its all your fault Raven." Peako said throwing her pen at Raven's head.

"Did you want to stay and prove to him that you were the ones who broke in?" He asked.

We all sighed; this was going to be incredibly boring.

NORMAL POV

Captain Kurotsuchi returned shortly to lecture us about the lab before we started.

"Alright so first you're going to…" He trailed off, looking toward the door.

"That's Captain Zaraki." Hissed Raven and seconds later Kenpachi Zaraki ducked through the door with Yachiru perched on his shoulder.

"Zaraki can't you see I'm in the middle of teaching a class." Mayuri said glaring at the other captain.

"If you can call it teaching, I guess you are." Kenpachi replied. "I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind watching Yachiru for me."

"Oh, I wouldn't mind a bit considering I'm already baby sitting your second seat!" Mayuri said sarcastically. Yachiru jumped off of her captains shoulder and, throwing her arms up in the air, screamed "Don't worry I'll be good! I'll just watch!" At the top of her voice. Mayuri sighed deeply, a frown placed on his face under the bandages.

"I'll take that as a yes, I'll be back when your class is out and if anything happens to her it'll be your head." Kenpachi said before walking out of the room. Mayuri growled, gritting his teeth as he returned his attention back to the class.

"So anyway first you're going to take this conductivity probe and…" He was cut off by Yachiru who was tugging viciously at his captain's jacket.

"WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT!" He screamed.

"Captain clown face can I sit on your shoulder?" She asked pushing out her lower lip and giving him puppy dog eyes.

"HELL NO!" He yelled.

"B-b-but…" She burst into tears then and screamed "You bastard Kenny's gonna come and KILL you!" before sinking to her knees and wailing louder. Mayuri looked around almost franticly before remembering Raven.

"Raven do something!" He screamed over the girl.

"I can't. You have to do it!" Raven yelled back.

"What do I do then?"

"I don't know! Hug her!"

"Raven, you've met me before yes? Now I can only muster one hug a year and nine months ago I hugged Nemu so you're going to have to do it." At this Nemu who had been observing from a corner got up and stomped over to her father.

"DON'T LIE! YOU HAVE NEVER HUGGED ME! NEVER!" She screamed, before stomping to the back of the room, yanking Ruketsueki out of his chair and drop kicking him through the wall and into the next classroom. He stood up, brushed the rubble from his clothes and screamed "Why does this keep happening damn it!"

"If you don't mind, I'm trying to teach a class." Came the soft voice of none other than Captain Tousen. Seeing the blind man standing there with no one other than himself in the room Ruketsueki said "But Captain there's nobody other than you here."

"Of course there…ah HELL NO!" The man yelled slamming a brail book onto one of the desks. At that moment Ruketsueki was grabbed by his collar and dragged back into the other room.

"I don't believe I gave you permission to leave my class." Mayuri yelled depositing the boy in his chair. Yachiru was still crying and Kenpachi was most likely on his way back.

"You know, I really hate children." Akatsuki said tapping the hilt of he zanpakuto.

"I couldn't agree more." Hissed Peako.

"What the hell is going on?" Kenpachi had returned, Yachiru jumped up and ran to him, still sobbing.

"Oh you're dead! You're dead now Kurotsuchi!" He screamed. Both captains drew their zanpakuto but by that time most of the students had climbed out the windows or through the hole into Tousen's class to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

other room.

"I don't believe I gave you permission to leave my class." Mayuri yelled depositing the boy in his chair. Yachiru was still crying and Kenpachi was most likely on his way back.

"You know, I really hate children." Akatsuki said tapping the hilt of he zanpakuto.

"I couldn't agree more." Hissed Peako.

"What the hell is going on?" Kenpachi had returned, Yachiru jumped up and ran to him, still sobbing.

"Oh you're dead! You're dead now Kurotsuchi!" He screamed. Both captains drew their zanpakuto but by that time most of the students had climbed out the windows or through the hole into Tousen's class to avoid being caught in the crossfire.


	10. You're in Filler Hell

The Bad Ass Chemistry Class With Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Chapter 10: Vinson, You're in Filler Hell

By the next day Mayuri's class had been relocated due to severe structural damage to his original classroom. Ruketsueki, Peako, and Akatsuki had already clamed their seats at the back of the room by the time everyone else showed up.

"So did you ever here about what happened in the fight?" Peako asked.

"Yes, my father told me all about it. Apparently it took five squads to contain the battle, then Zaraki thought he might loose so he made Raven fight too." Ruketsueki said.

"That must have really helped." Akatsuki muttered.

"Yeah, in the end both captain were half dead so we're going to have a substitute." He continued.

"What about Raven? Was he hurt too?" Peako asked.

"Oh he's…"

"Dead." Ruketsueki said cutting Akatsuki off.

"He's fine, he just won't be here because Kenpachi's pissed. He'll probably be back soon though, if he's not here he's with Kenpachi and Raven isn't exactly the nicest person to be around." Akatsuki continued.

"I'd say so. Well unless you're a paraplegic, blind, deaf, and dumb." Peako added.

"Hey can I sit with you again?" Jesse had approached their table.

"Yeah." The three said in unison.

The bell had rung and the entire class sat in silence. Their sub stood at the front of the room, he was blond with a long red jacket and looked no older than they were. The person he had introduced as his brother stood by the door dressed in a full suit of armor.

"Edward Elric, huh. This guy looks like he should be in the class not teaching it." Peako whispered.

"I agree. He's so short." Ruketsueki added too loudly for Elric turned and looked directly at us, fuming.

"I'M NOT SHORT!" He screamed before clapping his hands together. A giant stone fist shot out of the floor in front of Ruketsueki and hit him strait in the stomach sending him through the wall.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?" Both Peako and Akatsuki stood and prepared to unsheathe their zanpakutos.

"Please let's all calm down!" The boy in the armor had run over and seized his brother.

"Let go Al!" Ed said flailing franticly to get a good shot at either of the girls. At that moment Ruketsueki, who was covered in ruble and bleeding from several scratches on his face re-entered the room.

"That's it! No more being hit through walls! The next person to attempt such a thing will regret it! They shall not know the meaning of peace for I will rain misery down upon them!" He screamed.

"Kensei, you need to relax." Akatsuki said before grabbing the boy by his collar and pushing him into a chair.

"Yes, and could we just get started?" Jesse asked. Ed calmed himself then began the lesson.

"Ok everyone, I'm going to teach you about alchemy." He said proudly.

"That's not even chemistry! Did Captain Kurotsuchi hire you as a substitute?" Peako asked.

"Yes he did and it isn't chemistry but it has the word 'chem' in it so just deal with it." He retorted.

The class was almost finished. Everyone was half asleep or busy passing notes, with the exception of Jesse who was hanging on Ed's every word.

"And that's why should never perform a human transmutation, but just in case you now know how." He said crossing his arms.

"That's it! I'm done with this! I want to learn alchemy!" Jesse yelled.

"You're free to join us if you'd like." Ed said and before any of the students could blink Ed, Jesse and Al were gone.

"You know I wonder if Captain Kurotsuchi actually knew who he had teaching us." Ruketsueki muttered.

Some where in the Bureau of Technology

Mayuri Kurotsuchi sat bolt upright in his bed.

"What's wrong Master?" Nemu asked.

"Someone was teaching _Alchemy_ in my classroom! That Elric boy is poisoning my student's minds with this heresy!" He hissed.

"I'm sure it's nothing Master. Try to relax." Nemu said, trying to make her father lie down.


End file.
